I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
