I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
