I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
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Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
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Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.