I wish I could punch you in the face.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.