You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.