After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
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We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
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the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her