I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
