yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
