It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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