OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
