I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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