and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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