When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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