who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
