A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Watching her eat just hurts me
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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