I'm so fucking centered right now
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
