Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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