Can i not drive my cunt home
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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