if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
My liver just broke up with me...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
