Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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