Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
