i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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