The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
