Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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