I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
