pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I cockslap morals
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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