just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
