this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
