dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
