so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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