i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
