Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
