how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You left your underwear on the fireplace
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
