we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
