There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
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I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
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I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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