you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
