I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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