where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
