Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
