I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
