I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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