She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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