Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
