Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
