guys are only as good as the porn they watch
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
