They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
