My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
