i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
