2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
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