Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
