What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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