they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Couch. On fire.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
