dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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