Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
