Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
