nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
