well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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