So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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