No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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