I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
