idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
