He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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