New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
