I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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