coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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