I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
