toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
